I am extremely blessed to have a lot of great girlfriends, but that hasn’t always been the case.

For most of my life, my soul was too influenced by culture, wounded by circumstance, and calloused by selfishness to see the incredible women around me. Since I had no brothers or sisters, everything I learned early on about peer relationships developed in a school setting. As a teenager, I ran with a group of girls who competed for the attention of boys, stabbed one another in the back, and walked away when a friendship was inconvenient.

I’m sure I was the leader of the pack.

I didn’t hate girls—I just didn’t know them, and I certainly didn’t trust them.

I managed to have lots of superficial relationships and spent most of my time with boys. As I grew older, I protected myself from other girls, sought value and affirmation from work and men, and generally rejected my own gender’s offer of help or friendship.

My view of women began to change in 1991, when God brought the most amazing gift into my life.

Her name was Lee Ann.

One afternoon, Lee Ann knocked on my door and welcomed me to the neighborhood. I don’t know how she got past all my prickly edges, but she did. She helped me find a babysitter, encouraged me to attend the local block party, invited Mark and me over to play cards, and became my best walking buddy.

There was something different about her.

First of all, she was consistently kind. She never said an ugly word about anyone. In addition, she was innately optimistic. She looked at every situation with a certain expectation of a positive outcome.

Over the years, Lee Ann loved me.

Slowly, sweetly, quietly, she melted my defenses.

Before I knew it, I loved her too.

She taught me a number of important things—like how to ask a deep question, how to listen, how to endure hardship, how to believe the best of others, how to present Jesus without religious trappings or heavy condemnation. She showed me how to love my husband, and how to speak to my daughter with kindness.

She didn’t do any of these things with an attitude of instruction. She simply modeled grace, spoke hope, and remained faithful. She mentored me before I even knew what the word meant.

She made me glad to be a woman.

That one friendship transformed my life.

A longing for authentic, rich, uplifting relationships with women seeped into my bones. I wanted to be for other women what Lee Ann was to me: a good friend who became a catalyst for change and pointed the way to Jesus Christ.

*Excerpt from

Women at War

“If you catch the principles that Jan outlines in this book and apply them to your own life, there is no telling what God can do in and through you.”

Robert Morris, Senior Pastor, Gateway Church

“Jan points us to a better way — a way of peace, encouragement and mutual strength…”

Kari Job Carnes, Dove and Grammy awarded worship recording artist