My husband so sweetly told me this week that he was proud of me and that I was brave and strong. I so want to be brave and strong but the truth is I mostly just feel weak and frightened. Cancer is a disease that dogs you. It just nips at your heals, threatens your peace and has a nasty habit of camouflaging itself for long seasons and suddenly reappearing in new locations with new vengeance. Even when you are cancer free, it whispers around the corners of your ears and reminds you that you are weak.
I have a six-year season of victory - and it has been pretty amazing. God healed me so completely and so miraculously that I have found myself in awe of His goodness. However, the truth is I must be vigilant all the remaining days of my life - because this disease is just like our enemy, Satan. it is ruthless, persistent and mean-spirited. It is directly from the pit of hell and it works to steal, kill and destroy everything that I value.
So how do I begin from here? How do I go from healed to ill to well again? How do I become a strong, brave girl?
I'm learning that when God told Joshua to take courage (nine times in the first chapter of Joshua alone) it wasn't because Joshua was a big chicken who needed to be coerced into obeying. It was because true courage requires obedience in the face of great fear. It was and is a fearsome thing to trust our God enough to simply obey.
And about strength. No one ever told me that you can be completely, totally unable to do one thing for yourself or others - and yet in that moment - find there is still some thin strand of strength that just won't let go. In 2 Corinthians 12:9 it says "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." I think this time around I am going to be quicker to confess my weakness, less worried about being so strong, and more focused on Christ's power resting in me.
I am going to need some help. I need the support of friends and family who will cheer my family on in this most recent adversity. Part of what can make us all brave and strong is the expression of love and support for one another.
If you've brave enough or interested enough, please follow along with me. And consider doing more than that. Leave me a note of encouragement. I promise to read every one of them. And then go ahead and be a brave, strong girl (or guy) yourself. Face your adversity with a little sass and a lot of joy. Together, we can overcome and somehow weak and frightened will become brave and strong.