Guest blog by Jamie Stapleton
When I was four years old, my mom fled an abusive relationship.
One sunny afternoon, we crammed everything we could into her little car and hightailed it from Virginia to Texas.
Over the years, memories of the room I occupied would come to the surface, especially one toy in particular - a beautiful ballerina that twirled to music when you turned her metal knob.
Life moved on in Texas, we put down roots, and I began to grow up. I did not pay any further attention to that part of life, thinking it was forgotten…until it wasn’t.
Today, I work in the corporate world, attend college and care for my children. I love Jesus and have a passion to minister the hope and healing I have found in Him to others. My youngest daughter is wrapping up her final week as a four-year-old, and I am reminded that it is only a matter of time until she experiences heartbreak and pain from this life. I’ve been learning that what I choose to do with my pain now will, in large part, condition her on how to handle her own.
Recently, I was attending my Biblical Counseling class via Zoom, which has become a regular occurrence. During one session my professor told us that early in her own ministry she helped a woman flee an abusive relationship. As she described how this woman had to escape from Washington to California to begin a new life, hot tears filled my eyes. The emotion of that long ago, seemingly forgotten event suddenly burst to the surface.
Once the tears started, it seemed like they would never stop.
No one is immune to the effects of sin and a broken world. We have all experienced hardship, pain, turmoil, and loss in our own distinct and unique ways.
God never intended for us to hide in shame or despair or for the pain and brokenness of sin to permeate our lives. We can look back to the garden to see even after Adam and Eve took of the apple and invited sin into the world, God was immediately calling them out of hiding and preparing a way for restoration.
The blessing in the pain is that if we turn to God, He will give us the grace to help others in similar situations. 2 Corinthians 1:4 tells us that He comforts us in our troubles so that we can then comfort others. Together, we then rip the power from the enemy to use that part of our lives to torment us.
Here are some things I am learning about how to process my own personal pain that I hope will be a blessing to you.
1. It’s an Inside Job
The saying “do the work” has become more than a mantra; it is a plea to a culture that looks down on suffering and desires a quick fix to life’s deepest trials. To confront the places in our lives that require healing, we must be willing to endure the pain that those memories will bring.
We are not people who like pain, but growing pains are an unavoidable part of life. When we are willing to do the work, when we are eager to grow, we tell ourselves (and our legacy) that we (and they) are worth it.
Therefore, I am facing the “inside job” of my own healing.
2. Time Reveals
Rather than processing our pain right away, most of us try to bury it, pretending it doesn’t exist. We have all heard the statement “time heals all wounds”, but I disagree. I believe that instead “time reveals“ all wounds.
It took me thirty-seven years to become aware of my own deep wound that needed healing. How long did it take you?
3. Community Too!
Some say that Jesus is all they need, and then use that mindset as an excuse to wrestle alone with their pain without seeking someone for help. We need Jesus and we need one another. These are not mutually exclusive events, but they are both necessary to walk in the fullness and abundance that Christ intended us to have.
I believe that Jesus did the atoning work on the cross to remove the enemy’s power in our lives. I also believe that He then turned and gave men and women the ability to help people walk out issues that come with living in a broken world.
Author and Bible teacher Christine Caine once said: “To the degree that you lean into the pain of recovery, is the degree that you will recover.” Leaning into the pain can look like prayer and a private conversation with a good mentor and sometimes leaning in can mean being courageous enough to take the time to meet with a counselor, therapist or small group.
No matter where you are right now, at some point, the pain of life will require you to lean in and do the work of healing. My prayer is that you remember that you don’t have to walk it out alone.
Let what begins as an inside job drive you to your community for help.